Depression Cycle

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Depression seem to be quite a common thing happening to people around us just that we don’t see it.

Recently, I caught up with a few old friends of mine from school and got to know that two of them actually suffered from it.  It sounded more serious than I thought and the treatment and medication used can actually be quite extensive.

I actually think I am suffering from it as well but I can’t quite make it out whether it’s just my emotions or that it is really depression.  I have been surfing the web for symptoms and yes, I think I do have those.  But then again, all these mood swings could just be my personality since I have always been like this since my teens.

After hearing out my friends’ side of their stories, I felt really bad not to be able to give them the support.  Where was I?  I wasn’t even there for them.  I mean, we lost contact for years and maybe it was “OK” for me not to be there, but still, I feel a sense of guilt that I couldn’t do anything for them.

And of course, I always wonder if it is actually grief that I am going through.  I grief over loss of my parents and it has been a long time already and I guess I ought to move on.  I grief over the loss of my family ties with my siblings and most of all, I really feel very sad because I often feel very misunderstood since I am not very good at expressing myself clearly.  I don’t know, maybe it’s just mental problems.

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